Tag Archive | Wonder Woman

To Love You Any Way

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     It always amazes me when someone hates school. That’s like saying I hate life. After all this is just one big cosmic class room for the learning impaired. Everyone running around with their head spinning trying to cram at the last minute for a test they didn’t know was coming. Sometimes it feels like every other day half the world wakes up and the Universe screams “pop quiz!” Sad part is Mom’s not always home to ask us what we learned today, and we are too caught up in the stress of it, or in some cases the mess of it and we forget to ask ourselves. Then there comes a day that stops us in our tracks. A day that was seemingly like any other, until it wasn’t. The day that causes us to get quiet and reevaluate our lives. To slow down, take a deep breath and just ask ourselves …”what was that really all about anyway, that thing that pissed us off so bad?”

      You see lately I find myself in situations that normally would have turned me just around the corner from crazy and look at them in a different way. I’m feeling like those buttons you used to push aren’t there anymore. All of those things that you would do that hurt me are gone.  Even when the same sin is committed by someone else. I used to hold it against them and get furious at the thought of them treating me the same way that you did. Now I understand that it is their lack not mine, but you brought it out in me because I felt the same lack at that time. The difference in then and now is that my heart is full and I don’t feel that lack in me anymore. When I see me, I know that I’m enough. No matter if you’re in my life or not I’m happy. So what’s my lesson in life been lately…”Love myself enough, to know that I can love you anyway.”

       I’ve learned to love myself enough, to not yell at or lecture my children. I talk to them as if they can understand, and in return they listen. When things are down I give them the only thing I have to give them that means anything in this world. I give them my love.

     I’ve learned to love myself enough, to not get mad at my critics, but rather understand the hurt that is behind the words that are said. It’s hard to look beyond words sometimes, but that is where we hide our elusive hearts.

     I’ve learned to love myself enough, to know that most of what was said wasn’t the same thing that was heard. So we need to forgive ourselves for the moments that we did not understand and forgive others for the times that they did not.

     I’ve learned to love myself enough, to know to trust that voice within When it screams “Write…you have something to say!” To trust in the possibility that what I have to say might change someone. That it might, just maybe change me.

     I’ve learned to love myself enough, to know that it doesn’t matter if you see me….If you love me. For the first time in my life I’m not invisible, if you choose not to see me it’s because you’ve chosen to be blind. If you choose not to love me it’s because you’ve chosen to stay inside yourself a while longer…..and I’ve learned to love myself enough, to love you anyway.

     I’m just waiting for the day when everyone quits hating class, and can truly say “I love school!” “It’s tough sometimes, but those are the times that are the most worth it.”  Somehow they turn out to be the “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world moments.”  They are just before the most beautiful moments of our lives. The one where we realize that if we could all just spend one day loving ourselves so much that we could say to those who do us wrong, lie to us, try to break us, the one’s with the lessons that allow us to grow. Could you say to them…I love me enough, to love you anyway?

I Can Get Up

 

 

     My favorite speaker Less Brown has a saying “If you fall down make sure you land on your back, because if you can look up you can get up.” I wish I had a good count as to how many times those few words have saved my life. Even during the worst of times when my daughter was a heroin addict and my whole family was coming apart at the seams. There were many mornings that I had to roll over on my back in order to remind myself that I could get up. There have been many days in the last few months that this has been uttered over and over in my head. I have noticed a difference this time though. This time I really knew in my heart that I could get up. This time I believed every word and as I uttered them I felt safe. This time my monkey mind that takes off racing with every imaginable worst case scenario didn’t take over, because I knew the truth in the statement “I can get up!”

     This has been a year for me that I assure you I will never forget. In a different way than one might think. It’s human nature to remember the bad times in our lives, but most people seem to believe it’s because they were the most traumatic. I no longer see it that way. Instead I think I will remember this particular tough time not because it was traumatic, but because why would I ever want to forget the things that have turned me into the woman that I am becoming. It’s kind of like if you get bit by a spider in a lab and become Spider Man….well that’s the kind of life changing thing you will want to remember. In my case it’s the same as becoming Wonder Woman, why would I ever want to forget the things that transpired so that I could claim my new identity?  

     At the end of the day this journey that I’m on has brought me to a place where I am changing every day. I am more grateful now than I have ever been, for both the things and the amazing people that I have in my life. Probably because I understand better than ever before what it is that’s important. I have more peace in my life than I have ever known, and in that peace I’m finding joy. Every day my universe expands and fills the day with better and better possibilities than the day before, and if I should stumble and fall I’ll know there is no reason to worry because I CAN get up!!