Tonight

Tonight I just want to burn it all up…every part and piece of my past that weighs me down, let it all go up in smoke. Leave behind the pain of it and build myself into a better version of the amazing that I know I already am. Tonight I want to dance in the rain and let it wash away the residue of the life that I have already lived. Make room on my skin for the glorious new life that is in front of me.  Tonight I want to not ever forget where I come from, or where I’ve been. I do however want to stop letting it define who I am in this moment, because I am neither of those things. Tonight I want to find my voice, the one that’s screaming from deep inside me the words “I just want to be heard.” I rarely let her out to play, at least not until she throws a tantrum that I can’t control. I want to let her out to play every day…that voice that rules my heart.

Tonight I want to bottle that feeling that I felt all day, where life was just flowing through me instead of me feeling like I was fighting the current. Then I can just take a sip whenever I get caught up in the rapids. Tonight I want to remember what it’s like to see life through the eyes of a child. Look at everything as though it was brand new and I’m seeing it for the first time. Somewhere along the journey I grew up and forgot how amazing it is to just get lost in the wonder and the beauty of life. Tonight I want to relearn, redesign, and realign my life. Pick up all those broken pieces of the puzzle that I long ago dropped on the ground see what still fits in the picture, and lovingly discard the rest. Tonight I want to rediscover that total high you get when you are living your life, your way, without apology, fear, or judgment.

Tonight I want to stare up at the moon and remember that I am a part of that kind of beautiful. In fact I am that kind of beautiful, because I am you and you are me and we are the universe in human form. Tonight I want to remember that we are all that kind of beautiful, the cracks on the moon don’t take away from the beauty of it and neither do our scars.  Tonight I want to remember that love isn’t just a thing, it’s the only thing. It’s who I am, and who you are and who we all are underneath the walls we’ve built around ourselves that are designed to keep it out. Tonight as I fall asleep, I am going to remember what my first taste of what I can only imagine was freedom from the invisible chains that weighed me down was like. When I wake up in the morning I’m going to go in search of it once more, because once you’ve tasted it….I don’t think you can ever get enough.

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